No Smoking

Usually I don’t observe the small everyday things that make life more interesting and entertaining. This would be the beginning of a long line of exceptions now that I am more in tune with my surroundings. Sometimes it’s the little observances that make you consider the genius of others.

I’ve taken enough commercial airlines in the past few years of traveling to know the safety rules and regulations aboard the flight. The captain graciously flips a switch that illuminates the buckle up and no smoking signs above our heads. Putting faith in a seatbelt would really save your life when you’re plummeting to the earth from 40,000 feet above the earth, traveling at a mere “Holy shit, we’re all going to die!” and the fact that gravity really is a bitch. But buckling up is not the real reason I’m writing this.

I was recently on a return flight to Salt Lake City from Cancun with a transfer in Denver. Why I ever decided to leave Mexico is still beyond my capable comprehension in the first place. Anyway, I don’t fancy using airline lavatories unless absolutely necessary. First off, just because I’m deli-sliced thin doesn’t mean I’m a contortionist. It’s just that I’m a centimeter shy of shaving my head on the ceiling of the lavatory. Second, have you ever flushed the toilet while in flight? Heaven forbid, if you’re a guy, and you’re sitting down with your jeans around your ankles and on accident you push the flush button. Say goodbye to the kids as the one thing you would never want to lose gets sucked out from between your legs. Really, how would you explain that to the flight attendant when your face is pressed to the floor and your legs are in the air?

Remember one thing while I am explaining my experience on my flight. This plane was fairly new and probably built within the last 10 years. How long has smoking been banned from commercial flights? While sitting on the john I was observing the elaborate architecture and elegant artwork found in the common airline lavatory. The floor tile is exceptionally exquisite, by the way. I noticed that there was a no smoking sign on the door and above the mirror. I can’t really remember how it was stated on the door sign but it had something to do with a lavatory smoke detector. But the biggest riddle was right below the sign. If smoking is prohibited onboard all commercial flights at any time, why on earth would an ashtray be installed on the inside of the lavatory door?

This experience (observation) may not seem amusing to many but I thought I would share it anyway. Maybe they should think of installing passenger airbags on all airlines. It might cushion the initial impact when the plane has a minor fender bender with the side of a mountain.