Never before and never again

I’m embarking on a never before to gain footing on a never again and it’s all just one of the elements of life. Along the way I have become shortsighted sacrificing a telescopic view and now the moments with you are much more precious. I am slowly finding all that I have been missing and now I shall suffer the consequences shortly from choices made from many yesterdays. And if actions speak louder than words then I am screaming in agony to arrive at some resolute destination. So many things have been obscured on this path to enlightenment because of my selfish blindness and I only ask for forgiveness. My faith waivers from time to time and all I’m asking for is a little breeze to gather in my sails when the currents become stationary. Lead me. Guide me. And the footprints I will follow.

Today it all begins

Today it all begins. It will be a test of will, a test of faith, against all mental and physical ability. Tonight I start a second job and the next time I will breathe in dreams from a pillow it will be 24 hours from now. And at that time I will only be able to steal about four hours of sleep before I have to be to work again. Sometimes it hurts like hell from the choices we made in the past and we end up bearing the burden of those mistakes in the future. Our shame becomes our suffering and our pride becomes a catalyst for change. I will succeed and I will overcome even if it kills me.

Randomness

At every crossroad there must be direction and at every end there may be a new beginning. But as we steer ourselves down the road every turn becomes like a blinding corner and we sometimes sacrifice our line of sight for distraction. Although the choices are many there are only few and sometimes we don’t look beyond what we face and are caged by our narrow decisions. We end up finding our hearts lack the necessary oxygen and break under the stress of unpleasant pressure. We are guided by miscalculations and weaknesses within ourselves that we become victims of our own imperfections. We stumble and we fall only to rise above our adversities or at least we hope to. And if we choose unwisely we end up with a future in which there is no future.

How it will all end . . .

Beyond the Clouds

These cloudy visions are all that is left
And a short wind will blow me away from here
Because, like you, I’m hanging on by only a breath
Awaiting eternity
And that which we hold dearest
Are but wishes among the many stars
Yet I open my eyes and there you are
Glowing like an angel from above
My darling, my precious angel dove
Rekindle what we once had in love
Fortitude and temperance
Courage and remembrance
Faith and circumstance
Passion and romance
And that which we hold dearest
Is that which we hold nearest
Nearest to you, nearest to me
And our love will always be
Awaiting eternity.

© April 4, 2002
Cordell J. Larkin

For someone always close to us yet can never be.

He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

- William Butler Yeats

That Which We Hold Dearest

Even though the rain may at times be unbearably heavy
And you choke upon the tears torn from a smitten sky
And you suffer from solitude from all the painful goodbyes
Your heart still flutters weightless like a graceful butterfly
Your effortless smiles have radiance like morning sunshine
And the profoundness of your eyes still mirror a glimpse of spring
Your cascading golden hair flows like sails in a current of wind
And your sun-browned skin is soft and smooth like silk velvet
And your touch is faint like a calm caress from a summer breeze
Your whisper is like an angel and your words are poetry
But why do your delicate hands tremble in mine?
Is it the gentle way that I love and hold you?
Is it the tender way that I love and adore you
Or is it the way my eyes search the depth of yours?
I wish that I knew what you are thinking
So that we could sail and run away across an amber sunset
And dance upon the glow of red-orange sandstone
Maybe get lost in a kaleidoscope of Northern Lights
And fade beneath the silence of a violet twilight
Or we could hold our breath, take a giant leap, and fly
Or we could stay here forever and never ever leave
You are safe here in the comfort of embracing arms
Just let the raindrops soak into a cotton sleeve
As we wait together for the storm clouds to pass by
I will be your shelter from the mighty tempest
I will be a harbor when the sea grows restless
I will hold you tightly and warm against my heart
And together we’ll watch as the storm clouds begin to part
So don’t let the thorn twist in your side as you stroll the shore
Your petals are too beautiful to be throwing them out the door
I would hate to see you tear yourself in two again
That is why I hold you as tightly and so dear to me
That is why I now wipe your tears away with my finger
Because I love you more than this fateful world or heaven
And I will take that love with me to and past the grave
Because you paralyze me from head down to toe
And the fire begins to burn me, and did you really know
That you are more than just a treasure for me to look upon
My darling angel, do you see the brilliant sun peeking through
And the arching rainbow, now that the rain is almost gone?

Written in April 2002